Sometimes a Girl Needs a Blog

It's true. Sometimes, a girl just needs a blog. That's me. I need a place to vent/release all my information, thoughts, emotions, fears, hopes, dreams, and ideas about our battle with secondary infertility. That's going to be right here on this blog. We have a family blog that I update at least twice a week but that's a fun blog...that blog is happy all the time because it's about our journey to raise our sweet Sarah Kate. This is a place I can go when I've had a bad day or when I'm worried or scared without being a constant humming in my friend's/family's ears. My hope for this blog is that if/when we do have our second baby, that child can see how very much he/she was wanted and how long we prayed and hoped for him or her. We're very early on in this game of secondary infertility. As a matter of fact, we haven't seen a doctor yet. Our year of trying was up in August. I have an appointment with my OB/GYN on October 23.

I read the best article last night that was written by a lady who had the same issues with secondary fertility as I. Man was it dead on how I felt. It’s a crazy feeling. You struggle between the joy over the child you’ve been given and the pain from the children you might never have. There are so many emotions that go along with this…fear, anxiety, guilt, jealousy, sadness, loneliness, & hopelessness. When we had Sarah Kate I didn’t have to think about getting pregnant…it just happened. She was such a great surprise. We were going to start trying in April of 2006 and we got pregnant in January of 2006 so “trying” never reached our vocabulary at that time. Boy how I took that for granted…the ease of her conception. In a million years I would have never anticipated that we would deal with this…infertility. I didn’t even know it was possible once you had your first child. The hardest thing to date, to deal with has been the loneliness that I feel every single day. There are constant reminders to me (and only me) that this day is another day passing, that this moment we need to do this or that, that when the cycles end or begin I’m the one that’s reminded of defeat. I pray every day that God’s will will abound in my life. That what He sees perfect for my family will come to fruition. Sometimes that’s a littler harder to feel in your heart than it is just to say out loud in prayer.