My goal

I have a goal. Right now, it's to get healthy. I started Weight Watchers last week and I lost 5.4 lbs in the first week. That just shows how unhealthy I was eating before I started! Given the fact that my first pregnancy was scary, we delivered a 4 lb preemie, and I was in danger for the last few weeks (hospitalized)...I decided to try and get healthy before we actively pursue fertility drugs. As you might recall, Dr. S. said that she'd give us some Clomid in January. Well, it's January and we're not on Clomid. The reason? I've simply not called yet. I really think it's important for me to get healthy first. So, for the next few months I'm going to concentrate on that. Then, come Spring...we'll likely call Dr. S. for our first round of Clomid. Until then, we're praying and hoping that God will work in our family to prepare us for what He has in store.

The Hardest Part

Recently, Sarah Kate asked when she was going to have a big sister. I explained to her that was never going to happen...SHE would be the big sister if/when it ever happens. Then, she went on to ask about a little sister.

Sarah Kate: "Well, can we go get a little sister today?"
Mommy: "No, sweetie. God has to give us a baby. We can't just go get one. And when God does bless us with a baby...it has to grow in mommy's tummy for a while."
Sarah Kate: "Can I rub your tummy when the baby grows?"
Mommy: "Yes, sweetie. But, there's no baby there yet."
Sarah Kate: "When will there be a baby there?"
Mommy: "I don't know, sweetie. Soon, I hope."

Conversations like these are hard for me. It breaks my heart that right now, we can't make Sarah Kate a big sister. She hears all of her classmates in school talking about siblings. She has none and there's nothing she (or I) can do about it. I know the very few of you reading this blog might think...tough, it's a life lesson. But, it just simply breaks my heart. I know the companionship and love that I share with my brothers and it's priceless. I just hope and pray that someday Sarah Kate can really know and enjoy the reality of being a sister. It's irreplaceable.