Family of Four

Here we are...a family of four even if for a fleeting moment. This was my birthday last year...my 29th. This was the day I found out that we were expecting our second sweet baby. The joy lasted only a few weeks. But, it was pure joy. The thought that we were going to have another sweet baby to love was simply wonderful. The idea that Sarah Kate was going to be a big sister simply thrilled me like no other has since. January was a hard month for me. It was the anniversary of my miscarriage. I made it through though. I wonder if it will always be hard or if each year it will get easier and easier. Only time will tell. This year though? It was tough. It was the first time I had to endure it knowing that I should be holding a 3 month old. That's hard. I always try to remind myself that God's plans are not always my own and that He knows all things and sees all things. That offers comfort but it's sometimes not enough when I reach that dark place and question why. That's hard to admit.

As we entered 2010, I had a friend say to me, "This is your year...if you want it to be." And she's right - at least I believe it could be. She keeps telling me that I need to call my doctor and get the Clomid ball rolling. I know I do. I will. I'm dropping my weight (I've lost 13 with another 10 - 15 lbs to go) and then I'll make the call. Until then, I'm praying that we will get that chance to be a family of four. My prayer is that we'll get that chance when God knows it's the perfect time.