Clomid

Imagine the most terrifying event of your life. Go ahead...imagine it. Imagine that this event is something that put your life in danger and the life of someone you loved very deeply. Now, imagine praying to God every day since that you could do it again. It's nuts, isn't it? My feelings of fear and desire are equal. I'd not put one above the other. I want this second baby so badly but I'm just as equally scared of having him or her. Will we both make it out okay? Will it be healthy this time or just like last time? Will it be worse?

All these emotions are on the forefront of my mind today because we're actually starting the process of fertility medicine. This morning, I took my first clomid. Wow. I was scared. I literally held it in my hand for a while before I popped it in my mouth. My prayer is that God's will be done. My prayer is that if He is keeping this pregnancy from us for a reason that I can't fathom then I ask that He continue to keep it from us. I feel like if I pray that prayer then if we do get pregnant it will be blessed. I'm praying for peace and calm. I'm praying for a mindset that God has this in control. That He can handle it all for us. I don't have to worry and fret. I'm trying hard to place it as His feet and just continue living my life. Whatever happens is what He deems best. So, if you're one of the hand full of people that read this blog...please pray these prayers with me and for me.