Unsure

As of today, I don't know exactly how the results of our first round of Clomid will turn out. First, let's get the technical stuff out of the way. Since this is my record and journal of all things infertility...I'm going to jot down what I know. My first clomid cycle started on March 8. I did exactly everything that my doctor advised and exactly when she advised it. On cycle day 23, I had some spotting. That's not typical of my cycles. Usually they run long - around 30 days. Spotting continued. On cycle day 26 I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I called my doctor and they immediately ordered labs. I took another at home test on Saturday and it was a stronger positive. Saturday (April 3) afternoon I went to the hospital here in town for a blood draw. I got the results this morning. The blood work came back positive. However, the hcg levels were low...29. They also tested for low progesterone and I'm still waiting to her the results of that. The spotting continues as of today, cycle day 29. I'll repeat labs this afternoon to see if the levels are on their way down (miscarriage) or on their way up (possible successful pregnancy).

There's not really much I know right now. All of this happened with the last miscarriage. My levels even went up on the second lab results. So, even if the labs are favorable tomorrow that doesn't mean all will be well. I'm just riding it out. Taking it day by day. Mom said on the phone with me this morning that I sounded good. To be honest...I'm fine. With my first miscarriage, I was side swiped. I was expecting (due to good labs and no more spotting) that things were fine and went into the doctor's office to find out the complete opposite. So, this time...I have prepared myself for the worst. I'm not attaching to this baby. Not yet. If it sticks then I'll grow to love it just as I did Sarah Kate in the early stages of pregnancy. But, if it doesn't stick then I won't have my heart broken. Better to be safe than sorry, I guess.

On top of that I feel a peace. I've stopped praying for a second child. I pray for peace. I pray that God's will be done in our lives. I pray that He will direct our every move and our every focus. So, whatever reason there is for these bumps in the road, I'm sure that God has a plan for our family. I just have to listen and wait.