Bitter Sweet

I remember the early days of my pregnancy with Sarah Kate. I remember when we found out and how Aaron literally giggled and ran up and down the halls of our first home. I remember reading every day what type of growth was happening inside of me. I remember anticipation and energy and excitement and no fear. I'm sure all subsequent pregnancies are different after you've experienced it once before. You know more of what to expect. That wonder isn't the same. That's kind of sad for me. That paired with the fact that I can't let myself get excited yet. I'm suppressing my excitement, my happiness even, so that my heart doesn't get broken too badly again.

May 4 (my 8 week appointment) can't come soon enough. I want to feel that anticipation, the calm after the storm, the reassurance, the energy that I felt with when I was pregnant with Sarah Kate. I want to know it's all going to be okay. I want to see a little heart beat and know that this precious life growing inside is okay.